Blogging hasn't been done for a long time, it's too much.Today, I opened my diary during the doctor's period, which touched a lot of emotions.
I have always had the habit of writing a diary, from the beginning of the master's degree to write, write life sense, write study notes, master's period probably wrote three or four books, but so far have been lost, quite regrettable.During the doctor's period, I wrote three or four books of notes, most of which were lost and incomplete.My diary is not a diary, my diary, not every day, not arranged according to the date, but in the order of writing, long words, seven or eight pages, short words, one sentence.I'm going to write it all the time, maybe the flowers will pick up, there will be another feeling.
I often wonder what the meaning of life is.The answer I once gave myself was: the meaning of life is to pursue what you really want and achieve it, which is the meaning of life, whether this pursuit is great or small, as long as he realizes it, then his life in the process of realization is meaningful.But now I am lost, a very simple example of why we should read a book, but after reading it, we are crying out in pain and despair.
For Ph.D. students and masters, they always have a lot of good expectations, do some scientific research, find a good job, always feel that Ph.D. should be worth more money than master's, even if the short term does not work, there must be momentum.But encounter senior doctors, most of them are not so optimistic, for scientific research, they have long been disappointed, is the doctor valuable? Who wants a doctor in China?Most of them go to colleges and universities, which may be a little better, but they need a relationship.If you go to college, you'll get 45,000 a month, then you'll have to get a national foundation in three years, and you'll have to evaluate associate professors in six years.
Think about my own experiences, which have actually happened to me.
I was born into an ordinary peasant family, so it was good to study as a child, although I always felt that I belonged to a very stupid person.I was the first in the history of our village to be admitted to our county middle school, although there were many fluke ingredients.At that time, my father was proud of me, but now I think that I studied really generally, there are many fluke ingredients.Even when I was in college, people said that his family had a college student, in fact, my undergraduate degree was not good, a book at the end of the school, and I had several famous university students in my area.Even so, it can bring some vanity to the father.However, as time passed, I graduated from university, graduated from master's degree, and started a doctorate, and before I knew it, my cousins went out to work and started a family.I was just an embarrassed laugh.When I returned to the village, I found that there was no common language with my former playmates, and they were more concerned with making money and building a house, which I could not speak.One day, my cousin came to my house in a car and talked about the recent situation, I said that I was still studying at Bao, 2,000 a month, and he already had his own factory, employing three people, 3,000 a month.I felt suffocated.He is four or five years younger than me, he went out after graduating from junior high school and now he has become a boss, and although I have a high education, I am very depressed.Think about the people who are 30, nothing, nothing, nothing, can not help but feel sad for themselves.Once my father talked to my brother and said, "Now that you're out and married, I have to keep the money I earn now, and my second son is still in school, and he needs money when he gets married."I felt like I wanted to cry, and I was so incompetent that I made my father do it.I've been away for a long time, and I don't know what people back home think of me or what they're going to say to my father.Once my father called me and urged me to find a job, saying, "That's enough reading, don't read any more."Think about when I was a child he was proud of me for studying well, when I said I would go to graduate school, he was supportive, when I was a student, but now he really no longer supports me, he is under a lot of pressure.Once my aunt said to me, "At least you can support yourself, don't worry about your father," and I couldn't say anything.
I am not a very material person, but in the face of this family and friends eyes, in the face of my father's plea, how can I be indifferent.Can I tell you about their shortcomings?Can I tell you about their ignorance?Every time I watch gray-haired parents go out to do housework for their son's literary dreams, or go into debt, I think of myself. Although I really don't need family money now, but the burden on my parents remains.He was so incompetent that he made his father do that.
Writing here, I remembered a doctor, he was a doctor, relatively early, about 06 grade, doctor treatment is not so good now, it seems that only three or four hundred dollars.His father in his 60s went to the mountains to stone for his doctorate, 50 yuan a day, I was a master's degree, for many of his heart can not understand, later thinking, is quite moved and moved.
So I'm scared to go home and say what?Not that I want to compare, but in the face of the worldly eyes, in the face of the expectations of relatives, I really can not face.I am a vulgar person, I am not a worldly person, in the face of their contempt I am heartache, in the face of their scolding, I am sad.
This is a pressure on the part of the family, and in the case of schools, there is really no confidence in facing our scientific research and facing our future.For scientific research, to be honest, I summarized a lot, ready to write it into a series, but behind this many summaries and experiences, how much frustration and helplessness, for scientific research, to be honest, I am sad.And when it comes to the road ahead, I am lost, as above, and many doctors are lost, reading books for more than 20 years, and unexpectedly, there are no long things, they are all learning dragon slaughter techniques, and it is difficult to settle down.So every time a doctor comes to me to complain, I can only say understand, understand.
If you say I'm not good, then I'm not good, good doctors are going abroad, good doctors are staying in school.But that doesn't answer my question: Why do so many doctors end up in pain?Were they not fit to read?If they are not fit for a liberal arts degree, then why did they all end up with degrees?Is reading a book meant to be painful?Why is someone so happy to finish reading?
I often think about this problem, often think about the meaning of life, sometimes feel that life is meaningless, think, a person is thirty years old, five years old, have children, job evaluation, how much pressure.Is that how life is?Life has no meaning.Think of yourself, have always thought that they are struggling, do not want to be such an ending, there are always some reluctance, feel that reading is really a big failure.
Why was the doctor so miserable?What is the point of reading a doctor?If the meaning of life is the process of generating ideas, achieving ideas, pursuing what you want, and pursuing inner happiness.So what are our expectations for the Doctor?Do a little academic work and get a little better work done?The pain of doctors is that they move forward and become increasingly frustrated with academics.Retreating, only to find that economically the same age of playmates are far behind.This helplessness is the real pain, not because of the doctor himself, but because of the current scientific research system, education model and industrial structure.If our scientific research is pragmatic and really does something useful, doctors can really learn some real skills, step back, do not worry about settling down, move forward, for themselves really made things, can have a sense of achievement, who will not love scientific research.Instead of creating two articles as it is now, to gain a momentary sense of satisfaction, and to face practical problems, it is found that they are all dragon-killing techniques.(I'm an engineering student, and I often feel that way, because engineering you can't just walk around on the water all the time, you have to really do something.)Other disciplines may not apply)
For the story of Xiaoming and Xiaoqiang, which has been circulating on the Internet for a long time, there are always many intellectuals defending the highly educated Xiaoqiang.What did he pursue in his life?Did he get it?He is always forced to choose between helplessness, such a life is unhappy.Doctor, reading doctor, higher education, seems to be more dazzling, but sometimes this doctor's degree is also a burden.Doctor has less choice of path, less time, but also has to face many helpless choices, perhaps is the encounter with Xiao Qiang.